ten things i realized.

ten things i realized.

10) my toes are cursed. i dont know about you but i've had some pretty bad experiences with these toes of mine. i always seem to be knocking them unto things - yes, that's called being clumsy... but how about my ingrown toenails eh? hehe. that's just pure bad luck you say? oh yeah. talk about genetical defects huh? ouch. >_<

9) the hair is staying. besides the fact that May wants it to stay, i actually kinda got used to the fact that i have long hair. at first, it was just an experiment. but as it turns out, i actually like it now. a lab experiment gone wrong? nah, you guys are just jealous. hehe. :P

8) i'm a sugar addict. yes! we all have weaknesses. gosh. those honey roasted peanuts taste soooooo good! once i pop one in, i cant seem to stop. ay. and i personally feel that hershey's chocolates are my personal "mask of death". its black, just like "Death's coat"... except that its creamy and sweet too. haha. but ay. and dont even get me started with ice cream! :P

7) when i'm hungry, i'm grumpy. i didnt know i would be. i was just going along with the flow of things till my tummy figured out that its empty - apparently too empty... and my mood began to change. i needed to eat. and if i didnt get the satisfaction of something to fill my craving up with gigantic amounts of delicious food, i turn sour. mmm. maybe its true what they say - "a hungry man is an angry man". haha! when that time comes, i cant wait for my love to fulfill her "prophecies". i wonder what would happen. hehe. :P

6) i'm convinced that my girlfriend is the hottest of them all. need i say more? enough said. she's the hottest. hehe. :P i love you darling! -kiss!

5) no more magic 6? "a boost of ego for me, and a lot more screaming from you". short and sweet, ain't it love? yeah right. its anything but short. LOL! besides, how would i know that you liked the number 7 ever since you were young? must have been fate then! wait. you mean you wished for it? LOOOVVVVVEEEE! :P

4) i'm very picky with shoes. OMG. one of the biggest pain in the neck. i cant find myself nice shoes! i find it irritating myself cause i could go into more than 50 shoe shops and pick no shoe out! i went down the whole stretch of stores in Chinatown over here in Canal street, NY, and picked out none for myself. my gosh. where did i ever get those genes?

3) i actually look good in jeans. i remember my love telling me that i'd look good in jeans. i disagreed. but my mind changed its stand recently. neil never wears jeans. anyone who knows me, knows that i dont like jeans. cargos are my type and i've never worn jeans since like 4 years ago? yes. its been THAT long. but wow. i never thought this day would come. so what's next? imagine the possibilities! endless~ haha! anyway, thanks love! =)

2) i actually like window shopping. i bet my love is soooo happy to see this. haha. days on end love, we'd go days on end without money in our pockets and yet still be able to have fun "shopping". haha! =)

1) you're awesome. we just have too much fun. but i want more. so i wont complain! too much? yeah right! LOL! can't get enough of you! haha! can you get enough of me? :P

guilty.

guilty.

we pay for our own actions. that's how this world works. and that's how i know i'm paying for mine. no matter how much i cry about it, what's done is done. be wise my friends: think before you act. you'll regret a lot of things if you don't. as i am regretting now. i ought to know more things by now.

in the midst of all these guilt, i'm hopeful. i've been praying for forgiveness, and healing. not only for me, but for you and the both of us as well. though i know i'm receiving my punishment, in the back of my head i know that time will heal all things. i just have to be there when its happening. for now, i just have to be convinced that i'm getting what i deserve.

you're awesome. and i am unworthy. this is how much disgust i hold for myself. so much guilt that i become insecure, to the point where i can just think of what i did and start crying.

i feel like i'm on a ship that's about to sink. i know, i know. i shouldnt think about it this way. but whenever i see you, and sense your lack of believe in me - us - i get reminded of everything that has gone wrong. sigh. i dont wish to... but my guilt takes over. and i ask questions. which irritates you.

i guess the worst part of it all is that i'm called to give up dreams (hopes and 'wants' as well) that we both have built. this is really heavy, and definitely not easy for me. but i'm willing to do anything to fix the matter. sigh. you're more important.

i should be happy for not everything is lost. i know, i'm putting on a lot of unecessary burden on myself. sigh. but what am i to do?

i may be dumb... but i'm no fool. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for everything...

20th

20th

"baby, is okay. i'm here."
"baby, take my hand when you're in pain. squeeze it if you must."
"baby, i'll always be here."
"baby, shhhhh. don't be silly. i'm here for you."
"baby, i'm here. sayang your back."
"baby, its okay now. your love is here."

i'll always be around for you, love. truthfully speaking, as the time passes, i feel you getting closer and closer to me. i can't wait really. but at the same time, i'm being patient. weird, but true. and i bet it goes for you too. =)

recently, i've been able to show you how something so small can grow so big. and as you put it, "flexible". haha. it's just so funny how we can humor about such things. and its also great how we can relate to each other in different ways that only we can understand.

indeed, 20 years from now, when we look back in our lives, these past few months would be the highlight of our journey. i know that there'll be more to come... but this test of distance made us closer. hear that? "the test of DISTANCE, made us CLOSER." that's something to smile about, yes? =)

thank God for another month. and thank you.

you'll always be the most beautiful person i've ever known. =)

i love you, May.