and so we meet.

and so we meet.

the auditions are all here. and they're all here at full swing. my heart is heavy... everywhere i turn, there is something on my path to tackle. i've never been tested in this manner before.

financially, my family's crapping. 250 bucks just to have a lesson with Mr. Aranov. Sheesh. i'm not even sure if i can get into manhattan school of music. and so instead of finding support, i get bawled at. well... that's what you get Neil for being such a late bloomer. and if the other schools accept you? what happens to the 250 bucks? gosh... i'll just pay for it then.

and what about Mr. Berstein? i hope he's not gona tell me that he'll be charging 250 bucks too. gosh. that's such a huge whole in my pocket. i'll be paying for both anyway. oh well. i duno where i'm going with all these...

i know i have to hang on. but i don't even know if i'll be able to get what i want. God's never gona do that, He'll only give me what i need.

i've been so stressed out that i broke down and cried to myself for half an hour. My love was trying to comfort me... but she only got frustrated cause i wouldn't tell her what's wrong. i duno. i feel like i've been to harsh on her too. reality is, if both of us are always this stubborn, we're gona find it difficult to cope with a lot of things. i'm not gona lie, i've been trying. in fact, i've been trying really hard. but when you feel so low about yourself, its not hard to feel stressed up, anxious or depressed. but i just strive on.

i don't really know who to turn to. as of now, the one i love isn't very happy with me. oh well. i feel stressed but what can i do? choose to be stagnant? feel even more stressed? do something about it? but what? oh well.

well, if only i knew what Jesus would do...