i find myself struggling to socialize with people. in the midst of any crowd, i feel lonely. it is irritating because being with people is suppose to keep my mind away from straying into a dark abyss of tormenting memories. regardless, it is better than being alone.
i also find myself itching for the phone, dialing a forbidden number, and to run back to what was. but freedom has its price. and the price was losing me.
i took out the shoes of the two imagined kids, "Dante and Marissa". not even them could save me now. i had to apologize to the both of them because the dream was over. they were never meant to be reality. "mommy won't be home tonight... and neither will daddy. i'm sorry."
i don't want to be angry anymore, but i sometimes can't help it. i repeatedly ask myself what i have done to truly deserve this. have i not been able to redeem myself all these while?
questions after questions remain, and i can't seem to silence my uneasy soul. mending a heart never took so much toil, but at the same time i'm hopeful for a new beginning. i have faith, i just find it hard to show it.
how much do i really want to move on is still in question... but i really don't have any other choice.
besides, there are other things that are worthier to worry about.
Father, to you i commend my spirit...
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