the difference.

the difference.

not everyone asks for help... but i'm naturally capable of lending a helping hand.

but how weird can weird get when the one you truly want to help doesn't ask for help, and doesn't seem to accept the help you wish to give.

so i suppose that's just too bad? yeah... sure.

i believe in karma. what you give is what you get. but i also believe in fucking up. haha. i expect too much.

my past that so called shaped me to who(what) i am is full of crap. sigh. wish i could go back and be a different person. someone more "perfect". yep. then maybe i wouldn't need to think so much. maybe i would have been more like you. and then we both would be happy. and maybe, i'd be satisfied to the fullest extent. maybe that's why we have problems communicating. because in the back of our heads we say, "some things never change". i wonder why.

i'm aware of my flaws. and i don't know what to do about them. all i know is that i'll hurt you again. oh well.

we're fully aware of the power of "choice". but sometimes, our humanity overwhelms us and our nature to be ignorant takes over.

i don't know how you do it. you don't let it affect you. using the power of choice? most likely. i guess i'm just more humane? haha. or maybe i'm just really weaker. my heart seeks for the hurt. its so weird. i say i'm used to it. but am i, really? haha. only one way to find out.

i want to help. but i don't know where to start. so i just pray. i don't know. i'm beginning to feel lost again.

i've been making it so hard for us. sigh.

i want to apologize... but i don't know if i'll be forgiven. i've said sorry too many times already.

sometimes, i feel like we don't know what we want. and we give excuses for the real feelings that are deep down inside us. that's not being truthful though. but we can't help it. we're both cowards. we don't want loneliness to fill our guts.

i'm prepared for the worst though. i just hope i don't break first.

God... keep me strong.

God... keep us strong. Amen.