music is a drug

music is a drug.

got caught in the eye of the storm recently. i'm glad we survived.

somehow, i welcomed the mixture of feelings that were rumbling through my mind and soul during these recent nights. crying myself to sleep never felt better. what else could i do but pray, hoping that the Mighty Hand would listen? i'm pretty sure He did. if He didn't, then we wouldn't be where we are now. then again, maybe it was just the choices that we made. but isn't that what we really are? "we are the choices we make."

the scorpion and the frog. heard of that story? was talking to friend and got reminded of this tale.

there was once a scorpion who wanted to cross the river but did not know how to swim. fearing to drown, it looked around for help and found a frog nearby. the scorpion asked the frog if he could help carry him across the river. the frog laughed at him and said, "i'm not stupid. you're just going to sting me." in reply the scorpion said, "i can't do that. if i sting you, i'll sink with you and die." So the frog after giving it some thought agreed to help the scorpion. the scorpion mounted the frog and off they went to the other side of the river. half way across the river, the scorpion stung the frog. the frog asked in surprise, "why did you sting me?" and in reply the scorpion said, "i'm a scorpion. i can't help it."

people do that. at some point in our lives, we drop our masks and reveal our true selves. and when our true selves show, we bring down anyone we cling on to (or anyone who clings on to us) even if we 'sink and drown' with them. we just cant help it. we cant pretend or act to be someone we're not forever. at some point in time, our true selves will emerge.

but what sets a human being apart from a wild animal?

our ability to make choices. animals cant make choices like we do. a fly would be attracted to a seemingly harmless light where it would electrocute itself and lead itself to death. a shark would go berserk with the smell of blood even if it was just a drop. a bear would protect its cubs even if there was just one. a frog would eat its babies just to fill their hungry tummies. a dung beetle would push a ball of dung and not a ball of hair. if humans were meant to be like wild animals, then we wouldn't be able to come up with languages, music or logic. we wouldn't be able to sort our complicated emotions. we wouldn't be able to fall in love and stay in love. we wouldn't be able to say yes to our God. but guess what... we did.

sounds nice as i praise our ability to be smart? not really. animals are so predictable. unlike humans. we can make choices. we can make a choice that no one would ever expect. and that's part of life. just like no matter where we are or what point we are in our lives, someone or something would expect some form of effort from us is also a part of life. the choices that we make is what makes us contradicting. this ability is what makes us so unpredictable. and that's why we're so unique. because we crave for so many things - freedom, happiness, inner peace, but all we have to do is make a choice.

so the truth still stands. "we are the choices we make."

***
i'm not leaving.
there is a bond too special,
it can never be broken.
no matter how unpredictable life can get between us,
i'll stay,
as your true friend,
your one companion,
and lover.
you are who you are,
but i love you,
and i love YOU.
because if i didn't,
i would have been broken by now.
no one can "act" for that long.

i have realized how i affected you.
i'm sorry.
but i'm full of gratitude.
i didn't think i'd get another chance,
to once again prove myself.

we're the same.
if we both sit down,
to stop and think,
and solemnly reflect,
we both would find that we're the same.
yet different.

but i'm not going away.
i can't.
i love you too much.

i love you. i do...