oh please.

oh please.

i'm a thinking being.

why blame it all on her? oh please. had enough of your cries today. it's all the same. you, him, and the rest of the so called matured people - all trying to judge and never acting on their own preaching. just like the case with my sister. trying hard to understand? but not let go? what irony. you gave a so-called fair opportunity, but every other thing that he did became an opportunity to find fault with my sister? my sister? my sister doing bad things? oh please! why would she? and where would have she picked those "bad things" up? oh please. reflect. reflect not on our doing, but what environment we have been nutured under. and when another gets mad in the house - its not okay, but when you blow up - its okay? i'm human too for crying out loud. dependant? hell no. you want me to depend on you more like it. i'm 20 and i'm still wearing diapers? bah.

i already said its my fault. i'm taking the blame for MY actions. no one else is at fault except me. geez. its not like i got her pregnant. its not like i killed her. its not like i've been selling my body. its just a freaking bill - not a death sentence. bah. it CAN be fixed.

my money is going to a waste? hold on. the point is, it's MY money. even that, i cant have control of? geez.

you talk about hardship, so what? everyone's got something up their's. its all the same.

how can you say that it'll never be accepted? so now it's forbidden? bah. try and stop me. oh well.

the many times that you've caught me in a "bad mood", are you even sure i was in a bad mood? i'm seldom in a bad mood. most of the times thinking, but rarely bearing a grudge. it's when people piss me off that i give back an attitude. everyone close to me knows that. and shouldn't you? i was calm. real calm. but you had to blow my top off. there are days where i would be praying with her, and you'd take it like as if i just came back from hell. but in truth, i was praying with her. we were talking to God. is that so bad? why? dont you talk to God with your husband? defending her? bah. i'm defending myself. its not about her, it was about me. it was about my choices, my desicions, and my actions. i take responsibility in such actions. i'm no baby who'd just cry, say nothing and run away. i'll stand up for myself. expect that. it's not disrespect. you took it as if it was. it's called standing up for oneself - welcome to the 21st century.

its not that i can live on my own, but damn, what do you want me to do? the way you find fault in every relationship that comes along the ways of your children is just uncanny. if there was an award for such things, you'd get it. like seriously, so what's your point? you want me to live on my own? sure. i'd do it if i have to. you suddenly got angry, hating another person's guts for your own son's actions? wtf?

you are obliged to him? oh please. save the crocodile tears. i'm not married to her? so what? i love her. isn't that what really matters? so you mean to say that if you weren't "married", you wouldn't be obliged? wtf? marriage was the contract? not love? wtf?! I LOVE HER! and that's why i don't feel obliged. besides, even if i was defending her, i bet you'd defend your husband in the same way too, wouldn't you? boo yah! right back at you~

oh please. i'm not letting her go. it'll take more than just a stupid bill. i already admitted my mistake, even said i'm sorry. i took down my pride. i even dared you to take a close look at the next one. geez. talk about being unreasonable.

and so i say that i have problems too, but look at my role models. talk about perfection? i see none. so dont expect anything like that from me. you want me to learn? well then, why cant my experiences be a learning process for me to be stronger? why can't my relationship be a stepping stone to a better me? why does it seem like you struggle for me in my relationship? you care? or you just really don't want to let go? we all go through problems, dont we? so you notice the really "bad days" but never notice the really good ones? wtf? so what's that suppose to mean? i'm suppose to back away from a fight? that's not how you taught me. that's not how i was raised.

in all respects, i'm just like you.

all problems i see in the world and in myself are related to YOU, not to her. you are the root of what my natural reactions to life are. dont go blaming someone else for it. you were there ever since day one. you should know better. i'm a direct reflection of you. so dont come crying to me telling me how much fault you've found in me and my life. I AM YOUR LIFE.

i'm grateful. but i'm not a pushover. not even her can do that. none of you can. no matter how much you love me, or no matter how much i love you, none of you can push me around just like that. i'd fight. and you know it.

i hit myself? i always do. you say you become mad? well you already were. and you do the same things whenever you argue passionately with anyone here at home. so save the tears because like i said, i'm a carbon copy.

geez. wind, blow it over.

no gift? haaa. we all pitched in. so why cant you say that to my sister, or brother? we ALL pitched in. bah. no gift? going up to Carnegie Hall for you guys wasn't a gift? so whats that then? you're not proud of me? then wtf? i went up there feeling proud to be one of yours, but hell - i didn't even get any sort of affirmation from none of you. geez. so that's suppose to make me happy?

for heaven's sake, know what you want.

then talk to me.