change.

change.

change is the only constant thing. and i find myself adapting to something new all the time. i dont know how easy it is for you, but its pretty tough for me. its fun in its own way, but it gets tiring at times. but over all, its worth it.

i've spent many hours thinking about you. cant really seem to get you off my mind. you flood even my prayers. haha. i pray that as the days pass by, we'll be brought closer to each other. i seriously am lost on what your plans are to pull this one off... and everytime i speak and console you about it, you just seem to blow. could be a variety of reasons. one being trust. but i hope you dont take it personally everytime i ask, because i'm not trying to offend. i'm trying to understand. that's all. being impatient comes later. and that's a weakness i need to fight. i'm sorry for showing so much weakness. i didn't mean to hurt you with anything i said.

i'm just counting days now, really. i just cant wait for that day to arrive where i'll be so excited i could pee in my pants. i've been thinking about it the whole day. the times we'd spend together, and everything.

anyway, i love you too baby.

the 18th.

the 18th.

so i'm 20. haaaaaaa. it's kinda crappy cause here in NY, you're only "legal" when you're 21. and gosh, i'm not a teen anymore. i'm stuck in the middle guys. wah. help? haha.

it's weird cause this time around, i actually wanted a lot of things for my birthday. well, mostly money. but its okay. i didn't really receive any. hahaha. but it's all good! there were better gifts that came along the way.

there were a lot of things that had happened. i've learned a great deal during my 19th year in life. hehe. a lot of "growing up" done. yeah, "look, neil's 20." lot's of growing up indeed. -rolls eyes- haha. but with all seriousness, it's not that bad. i celebrated my 18th month of being with the most wonderful girl in the universe the next day after my birthday. that's a gift right there. i'm really thankful for all that we've gone through. and truely grateful for all that you've showed me to educate me as to who you really are. i've learned that love can win all bounderies because of you.

that night, i was tired and aggravated. i didn't know how to control myself, and it just exploded. i didn't mean to make you worry. i was seriously trying to control myself. but i failed. i'm sorry. but regardless of what happened that night, i'm still here. and i still love you with all my heart. a lot of people say i pamper you too much. haha. i don't care. i believe in karma. hehe. but yeah, i've seen you at your worst, but i've also seen you at your best. and in a similar fashsion, you've seen me at my worst and best too. but no matter what happens, you'll always be my love.

of all the gifts that i could have received on my birthday, none was more joyous than receiving greetings from my relatives, celebrating my 18th month anniversary with May Yuzaw, turning 20 (yeah right~), and above all... having my love back home safely.

so love, the next time you fly, it'll be into my arms, right? -smile-