Quebec (Canada) was awesome too. And Caroline and I are sure to go back there to explore more. I'm also looking forward to traveling to Europe. Since I am now an American Citizen, I am not required to have a visa to enter most European countries. How exciting. :)
Yet another new chapter in my life begins. :)
*****
Things have changed so much since "Yesterday". Seems like a lot of experiences I had when I was younger makes sense only in the light of today. And even with that said, I'm still making sense of a lot of things. At the end of the day, the leap that I had to make from a nervous little boy into a more sensible man was something that I would have never thought of if my experiences were made on a different path. Basically, to discover my own potential, and develop a sense of control over my state of mind is a "present" that I'd like to open, re-open, get excited about, and use, re-use, all the time.
It's like Christmas. But you get a gift that you can use over and over again, not only to help yourself, but others as well.
A few years ago, there were days where I would wake up in shear anxiety. It was not pleasant. I wanted my mornings to start off positively. But somehow, I would let myself drown in made up negativity. This stifled me. I did not possess a useful tool or skill to help me cope.
There was, however, prayer. That made a lot of things easier to bear. But chances were, I would end up drowning still.
All started to change when I met Paul. He was my psychotherapist. Yes, that's right, I had a problem and I wanted help - so I set forth to get some help. Like Frederick Douglass said, "I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs." It was the quote that inspired me to get off my knees and actually do something about my problems. Praying about it is only the beginning. Actual help starts when you use what God made available to you, which are RESOURCES. He opens the doors, but you need to decide to enter through those doors. So, get off your knees and walk to that door.
Only after several sessions did I discover my potential as a human being. I realized my worth as an individual. I also developed tools and skills to help me cope with anxiety.
God answered my prayers, but I suppose that He wanted to find out how much I really wanted His help. It's a good thing that I showed him by being proactive. If there was one thing I could change, it would have been the time it took for me to realize that I could have been proactive sooner. In the end though, I say it's still better to be late than never.
So do I still get my panic attacks? Yes. But with the new tools and skills I have acquired, they come rarely. And I mean once-in-a-blue-moon-rarely. I can't even remember the last time I had one.
This sense of awareness of one's self is amazing. It enabled me to wake up every morning free of anxiety. I am stifled no more!
I was once asked to wait in the sidelines, to ponder about staying faithful to someone who was going to hurt you by being with someone else... I realize now that that was utter crap. No one deserves that kind of beating. I'm glad I walked away just in time.
Renewing my journey led me to a new beginning. A better story. A better tomorrow. But above all, a better today.
Here's to life... Cheers!
