listen to the music...?

listen to the music...?

Sana maintindihan nyo to... pero ang aking puso ay umiiyak. wala akong nagawa buong lingo kung hindi umiyak ay ng umiyak. sumakit ang puso ko nang todo. hindi ko alam kung yung ginawa ko ay tama. sana naman tama. at kung hindi, eto nanaman ang luha.

grabe, walang tigil. parang hindi nya rin naiintindihan kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko. parang napaka-selfish din nya minsan. pero ito, its a sacrifice. okz nah yun, basta matuwa sya. minsan nga lang, parang baliwala rin yung ginagawa ko... lagi pa rin sya nagagalit saakin, tapos yun, hindi naman kami nagkakaintindihan kasi wala rin syang sinasabi masyado. oh well.

minsan, pakiramdam ko, na hindi nya ako pinapansin. lagi na lang ako naghihintay. pero ganun talaga, at ang layo nya. yet another fact i have to accept. pero cge, okay lang yan. isipin na lang na gaganda ang lahat...

kaya ko kaya pa nang isang pang ganun klasing araw? ang hirap. grabe. pero eto, buhay pa rin. salamat sa Diyos at buhay pa rin.

di ko lang maintindihan yung sarili ko... alam ko na mahal nya ko, pero gustong gusto ko na pinapansin nya ako. oh mans. parang isang bata talaga ako... tanga cguro talaga ako. hindi ko ba nakikita na mahal nya talaga ako?

***

my love's package arrived today! i'll take some photos and let you guys see. =D

thank you so much for the time and effort you've put in love. you're amazing.

thank you.

thank you.

thank you.

i love you!

and so we meet.

and so we meet.

the auditions are all here. and they're all here at full swing. my heart is heavy... everywhere i turn, there is something on my path to tackle. i've never been tested in this manner before.

financially, my family's crapping. 250 bucks just to have a lesson with Mr. Aranov. Sheesh. i'm not even sure if i can get into manhattan school of music. and so instead of finding support, i get bawled at. well... that's what you get Neil for being such a late bloomer. and if the other schools accept you? what happens to the 250 bucks? gosh... i'll just pay for it then.

and what about Mr. Berstein? i hope he's not gona tell me that he'll be charging 250 bucks too. gosh. that's such a huge whole in my pocket. i'll be paying for both anyway. oh well. i duno where i'm going with all these...

i know i have to hang on. but i don't even know if i'll be able to get what i want. God's never gona do that, He'll only give me what i need.

i've been so stressed out that i broke down and cried to myself for half an hour. My love was trying to comfort me... but she only got frustrated cause i wouldn't tell her what's wrong. i duno. i feel like i've been to harsh on her too. reality is, if both of us are always this stubborn, we're gona find it difficult to cope with a lot of things. i'm not gona lie, i've been trying. in fact, i've been trying really hard. but when you feel so low about yourself, its not hard to feel stressed up, anxious or depressed. but i just strive on.

i don't really know who to turn to. as of now, the one i love isn't very happy with me. oh well. i feel stressed but what can i do? choose to be stagnant? feel even more stressed? do something about it? but what? oh well.

well, if only i knew what Jesus would do...

the 14th.

the 14th.

its been 14 months since we've started out. well, to put it simply... it's been amazing. lots of learning experiences. and yes, i'm putting an effort into changing my habits. i want to see you happy. and i'm going to try my utmost best to please you no matter what. sounds crazy? sure. but people do crazy things when they're in love.

i've fallen hard for you. haha. =)

but yes, we're not making new walls for ourselves, but new dreams. i've built my dreams around you. and it was so touching how you said that you wouldn't let me give up on me, or on you. *HUGS. you're so awesome.

i'm blessed to have someone like you.
thank God i found you.
you're the one who's perfect. haha.

i love YOU.