Christmas Morn

It's early Christmas morn, and the feeling of wholesomeness comes over me. The weather has been brutally cold recently, but at least it has been quiet for the snowfall has ceased. And I've gotten pretty much all I wished for this Christmas!

My family came up to Rochester to join Caroline and I to celebrate Christmas. I would have gone to New York City, but no long drives as of now, especially with my current condition. But my 3rd round of chemo went really well. I'm glad that Caroline was there with me the whole time, she really is like a lucky charm in many ways. There were no complications this time around, just the usual side effects to fight. I'm still hoping and praying that healing continues, and that I'll be well by my birthday next year.

Caroline got me an authentic Manchester United T-shirt!!! And it's number 11, my favorite player of all time, Giggs!!! I also got Toy Story 3 on Blu Ray!!!

I got her a new couch. And some peppermint bark from William Sonoma.

We had a huge feast at my place, prepared by Caroline of course! And we let our folks try our favorite Riesling. Everyone was stuffed, but in a good way.

Over all, I think Christmas this year was great. I'm thankful for the support that my family and fiance has showered me. I'm thankful for all the support that everyone has been showering me. It's been keeping me really strong. Thank you all, and I love you all...

2nd Round of Chemo

Well, it was a little rougher than my first session. I found out on the day of my treatment that there was a national shortage of one of the medications that I needed. So instead, they gave me a derivative of the substance... which took 8 times as long to get into my body. The plan was to be done by noon, and I ended up being back home by 3:30 PM. To top it up, I had to be poked 4 times for the ivy to stay put in my veins... originally, my veins were not cooperating. Next time, I'm drinking a bottle of water before treatment. That should help a little.

But when all was said and done, treatment went well. Caroline rushed to the hospital after her class because she wanted to be there for me. I think I worried her after texting her that I've just been poked 4 times to get the ivy to stay put in me. My Mother started to walk away because she didn't like to see me in pain... and I was so proud of my sister for staying with me and being strong with me. I was glad to see my sister again. She's been very supportive, just like all the people around me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm very blessed.

My teachers in Eastman have caught up with my situation, and most of them are sending their encouragement as well.

I need to shave my head... the little hairs that are falling off are making my neck itch.

Anyway, holidays are coming! Christmas! Woohoo! :)

Holidays Are Almost Here

My first round of chemo went really well. There are several annoying side effects, like nausea and constipation, but besides that, everything else seems under control. This week, my counts are going to drop, and fatigue sets in easily. I'm just hoping that eating right, and moving around will help fight this state of tiredness.

I admire the work that Caroline has done. She's been so strong throughout this ordeal, and she still manages to juggle her workload as a Masters student at Eastman pursuing a Dual-degree. She's got a lot on her plate. I feel bad sometimes that I have to be going through this challenge. It eats a lot of her time. I know that she'd rather support me, but I know she's got to finish her work too.

The holidays are coming... Thanksgiving is first, and I can't wait for Caroline's turkey! She cooks a great feast, and I'm really excited to chow down on it!

It'll be our first Christmas together as an engaged couple as well. We're going shopping for a tree, a real Christmas tree even if it's only 3 to 4 feet tall. Something small for our apartment would be a nice fit. :)

Even though fatigue sets in easily, I try to get work done. It gets hard sometimes, but I know the work that I do is worth it.

Onward!

Yet again, I am faced with an enormous challenge. I got my official diagnosis last night. I have Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma. I have cancer.

Luckily, it is treatable and curable. And I tested ALK positive. Apparently, that means I have a higher chance to respond better to treatment. That's great news, because I can recover from this quicker than I initially imagined. But I haven't met with the Oncologist yet, so I'm only assuming that I will have to go through chemotherapy.

This ordeal has haunted me since the end of September, I'm happy to finally know what's going on in my body. And I'm extremely happy to know that it is curable. I like it better now that I know what I have, instead of feeling anxious all the time not knowing what's going on.

Another good news, I'm glad to be in Rochester, NY, because this is where some of the leading researchers of lymphoma are. They have made breakthroughs throughout the years. Even Caroline's mom is acknowledging the medicinal standards here in upstate NY. And she knows what she's talking about, given the nature of her work which entitles her to have access to ALL the doctors' profiles of the USA.

I'm in good hands, and there are a lot of people who care about me - especially my fiance, family, and friends. I've been receiving so much support from everyone, including my employers. This is quite the ordeal to go through as a first-year, full-time music teacher! However, I've been told that my job is secure. And I'm happy that they will support me in any way that they can. That's amazing, considering I found out about this job through Craig's list.

ONWARD! I'm keeping my head up no matter what. The inconvenience will be temporary. There is always a reason why God has put me through the trials that He did. And He has never failed me. NEVER.

I know God will provide.

Citizenship

Tomorrow, I drive up to Buffalo to go for my civics test, and my naturalization interview. I pray, hope, and wish that it goes well, and that by tomorrow, I'll know if I am a United States citizen.

I've waited for quite some time for this. A little more than 5 years... that's pretty long, I think.
I've been reading a lot about the Islamic tradition. I'm always so fascinated about religions. It affects so many people in the world. I'm not converting... I just like learning about what people claim they believe in.

Still waiting on the results for the biopsy. At least the whole procedure went well. And Caroline and I got free food at the hospital!!! Woohoo!!!

Anyway... still drooling over some of the best cars around... if only I had the money... Ah, the Lexus LFA... so sweet...So freaking sweet...

Here We Go Again

I've been developing some pains in my body. After getting a CAT scan, ultrasound, blood work, and urine tests, they still haven't figured out what's wrong with me. All they can tell me is that I have a swollen lymph node at my groin area, which hurts to the point that I can't even stand for longer than 30 seconds, and even laying down is a chore. Their best guess was cat-scratch disease, from the cat attack that I survived this past summer. But even that turned out negative.

It's taking away from my daily work, routines, and even leisure. This has got to stop. The next step will be a biopsy of the lymph node itself. I wish they could just drain it, even though I know it's not that simple. I just can't tolerate it... the pain is horrible.

I hate going back and forth the doctor's office. I just wish that they would just know.

Thank God for Caroline. She's been helping me out in the apartment. She's been very supportive.

Accord

I take it back. I'm going to get the Honda Accord instead. After doing more research, I found out that the Accord has better safety features, and it's crash ratings (compared to the Dodge Charger) is better overall. I want to keep my family safe, therefore, the Accord beats the Charger.

The V6 engine on the Accord also produces a little bit more horsepower & torque (but at higher RPMs). The Accord lacks a sporty look, but at least a lot of it's safety features comes standard. There is a performance exhaust for the V6 Accord, and that will most likely be installed if I get the car. I may add a low profile spoiler just to help make it look a little more mean. And the price is also very reasonable.

Over all, the Accord's reviews are much better than the Charger's anyways. As long as I get a V6 Accord, then we're fine.

Charger

So... I have decided that instead of getting a supercharger for my Chevy Cobalt 2005, I'm going to save the money and get myself a Dodge Charger instead. It's a sedan, and being a family man like me, I'd rather have a sedan than a coupe. Besides, it looks really muscular, and the 3.5L engine is pretty strong anyway, and it gets good mileage too. I won't even mind buying a used Charger. I mean, for it's price, the features on the car are pretty luxurious.

Looking to see if I can get my hands on a Charger with AWD, a 3.5L engine, and less than 50,000 miles on it.

So I've switched from coffee to tea for this whole week. I've survived without really any side effects yet. I think it's working out better to have tea instead of coffee. My throat feels more soothed after tea, and I like the amount of water that I'm drinking. I feel like it's a healthier option as well.

I still need to learn how to drive stick. Someone teach me, please!!!

This week went by quick. I can't believe it's Friday tomorrow. Wow. But who complains about the weekend? (:

Learning As I Teach

"There is a constant challenge to improve my instruction to cater to individual needs of my students. Sometimes, it gets frustrating when you have tried all of your "teacher tricks" to get the students' attention, but it somehow falls short. I'm not a fan of screaming at my kids... in fact, I'd rather just be going back and forth between being funny and witty, but also stern and firm. However, you don't really get a choice at times. Of course, these opportunities to correct behavior with a wailing voice should be minute, and only used for the rarest of occasions. But I attest to it as one of the tools under a teacher's belt. It's been used for ages, and it is still being used today. That can only be a testimony that it works in most (not all) cases. It's effectiveness also depends on a lot of variables. So please... keep in mind that the statements I have just declared is a "don't-try-this-at-home-by-yourself" abstract blabber." - wrote this yesterday.

Today, was a much better day for me. Thank you for all my teachers in life... my scholars were much more attentive, and whatever I did yesterday worked because they knew not to mess with me today.

I always have to remind myself that being a teacher means I'll always have bad and good days.

*****
What was is exactly where it needs to be... in the past. Be proud of yourself for learning, and for growing up to be the person that you are at the moment. You got to where you are regardless of various trials and tribulations, and be glad that you are still alive, because being alive is a chance to live your life to the fullest. There is no such thing as wasted years. Do not let yourself be tricked by regrets. Your regrets are not part of time... rather, it is part of your mind. Time moves forward without you, so even your regrets get left behind. There is no such thing as wasted years... only "teaching & learning" years. Everyone has to go through them. Everyone deserves an opportunity to grow, make mistakes, and learn about themselves. So everyone deserves to experience their own "teaching & learning" years. Don't take it away from you... because it helped mold you. Those years were just part of the journey, be glad it didn't end there and that there is still an ongoing journey to keep.

And everyone deserves a chance at happiness. Sometimes, the road to happiness can be full of tears. But let's remind ourselves that it does not end there... until that day comes when it's time to give your last breath, in front of you will always be an opportunity to fall, and to get back up; to fail, and to try again; to lose, and to move forward; to love, and be loved. Take these opportunities... because you deserve it. Everyone deserves to be happy. And the best part is... you can take these opportunities today because you can aspire to live in the present, and claim your happiness.

As for me, there really are no regrets. And above all, there are really no wasted years. I stand proud of my emotional achievements and for being able to get back up after failing several times throughout my life. The constant challenge is to learn, not to build regrets. I can honestly say that there are moments in my life that I am not proud of, where I could have done better, but I'm glad that I've lived through them because I now stand in front of Life as a better man. I'm proud of myself that even with the various trials and tribulations I've faced, I came out victorious. Only because I deserve (just like everyone else) to learn about myself, and to experience my own "teaching & learning" years...

Be proud of who you are. You deserve to be proud of yourself for getting this far. You deserve to be proud of yourself for listening to your own voice. You deserve to be proud of the path you have chosen. You deserve happiness. And because you experienced your own "teaching & learning" years, be proud that you have grown to be the person that you are.

Be proud because you can now stand in front of Life and claim to be a better person.

*****

Sometimes, I like writing. It helps clear my mind. (:

"Real" World

Started my career last month. I am officially introduced as, "Mr. Reyes". Don't laugh. The little people know that I mean business with them. However, my instruments for my music class have not yet arrived. I'm a little anxious... but I know it'll work out. I just want to be prepared for this Thursday, for that's when the students start music.

Teaching elementary school kids is fun. I am challenged to continually come up with various ways to keep the young scholars engaged. What you say and do matter so much because their minds are like sponges that soak every small detail that your body produces. From your mouth moving, the quality of your gaze, defined facial expressions, words coming out of your mouth, gestures that match your words, and even the breath that you take to pause for a moment - EVERY single detail counts.

It's also very interesting how some students would stare at different parts of your body as you teach. Some of them watch your eyes, some of them watch your mouth, and some of them watch your hands. And then I realize that adults talk in various ways combining all these 3 things. A "full" conversation means observing the persons eyes, mouth (words) and hands. All of us can tell a story with just our eyes, and I've yet to meet someone who doesn't tell a story without moving their hands. And we not only try and listen with our ears, but our natural instinct is also to "listen" with our eyes. Most adults know that looking at the person who is talking to you is being polite. Most of the kids, unless talked to on a one on one basis, gives you their eyes (looking at your eyes). During class time, they perhaps give you that attention for only about 15 seconds... but at least their natural instinct is to look at where your instructions (sounds) are coming from (your mouth). "Listening" with our eyes makes non-verbal gestures really powerful. In my opinion, when kids are able to follow directions through non-verbal gestures, that's when they have developed utmost efficiency for their classroom/school procedures.

Anyway, Caroline and I are trying to send out our save-the-date cards, but I've yet to finish e-mailing my relatives from the Philippines for addresses. I wonder if any of them will be able to make it. I doubt it though. It's too expensive to fly nowadays. And it's really hard to try and get a VISA to get into the USA from the Philippines.

But wedding preparations are going well! We're going to be booking the Inn On Broadway on Labor Day, and we already booked our date at the Cathedral!!!

AWESOMENESS.

And Manchester United did well against West Ham. :)

Go life!

Graduation & Our New Apartment

As the days roll by, I slowly unearth and put away the recently "packed memories" from the dorms to our new apartment. The pictures, cards, shirts and small gifts were all tucked away in a couple of boxes. In many ways, these boxes not only contained "memories", but also trials and tribulations of my life in the past five or six years. These memorabilia encompasses what I was and what I have become. And letting go of some of these sentimental possessions was difficult, but when all was said and done, it mattered more for me to move on and look towards the future. I've learned how to stay "in the now". Besides, living in the present has proven to be beneficial.

The Graduation ceremony was fancier than I thought. I finally hold a degree, and it is a degree I can proudly say that I have achieved from a prestigious music conservatory - The Eastman School of Music.

During that day, my parents (and some relatives) and Caroline's parents (and grandparents) met for the first time. While having dinner, the tension of silence between them in the first ten minutes was unbearable. Thank God for alcohol. As soon as the waitress finished serving us wine, the joyous conversations began. I think our folks get along well with each other. That makes the both of us really happy.

We set a date for our wedding day. August 19, 2011. I hope that all our preparations pull through!

A Dash To The Finish Line

Caroline and I are baby-sitting this weekend! It's exciting, since the both of us have talked about having kids. It'll be good practice for the both of us. :)

I can't believe I'm graduating this May. I'm thinking that Senioritis has hit me finally, because I've been nostalgic recently. I realize how much growing I've gone through in the 4 years that I've been at the Eastman School of Music. And I'm also grateful that I have a job after graduating!

I'm starting at True North Rochester Prep in August. I'm excited to start the music program there, and work in a team that truly cares about education. It'll be a great experience for me, to help my students who mostly belong to a low-income family. I hope they end up enjoying what I have to offer them - music.

I can't wait to move into our new apartment. It is so spacious! We have two walk-in closets, an eat-in kitchen, and a huge living room! It's a great starting point for us. Hopefully, in a couple of years, after getting married, we'll have enough money to invest in a house. :)

Starting My Life

Life has been good.

I found myself a full-time job, with healthcare benefits, a 403B plan, and a very substantial starting salary. Graduating this May, and going to move into an apartment with Caroline. Getting married in about a year, and happy that my fiance is doing her graduate studies at Eastman.

Getting a pet, some furniture, and planning to drive down to NYC in June to get my things from my parents.

I can't believe it... I'm starting my life. This is amazing.

REACH FOR THE STARS!

Spring

The weather in Rochester has decided to give us a little glimpse of Spring... beautiful. :)

So let's see... Just this school year alone, there have been more than 10 wedding engagements that I've heard of, and 7 of them are my friends', and 1 my own. It seems to be the popular thing to do.

I'm glad to see that a lot of my friends are also treating it very seriously. Some of these people have grown up so much. I'm so proud of some of them. Heck, I'm even proud of myself for being able to be man enough to face my own tribulations. I'm glad that we're all in the same boat, and that we're all serious about having to sustain a family.

It makes me happy to know that I'm not alone in striving to be a functioning member of society, and aspiring to be financially stable in order to provide, and put family first. :)

So much so that I had my first "real-world" job interview. Knocked their socks off... they like me. The principal put me on "fast-track" and gave me the opportunity to teach in a mock-setting. NICE.

It'll be great to have a job straight away after graduating. No reason to be scared. God will provide, and I just need to keep finding His opportunities.

Engaged (Part 2)

The night was young, the weather was relentless, and I knew that getting down on one knee was going to be painful. The bitter cold struck down my back, as my foolish mind had forgotten to bring the right coat for the occasion. But I was more than happy to do it.

Since young, Caroline had always wanted to see the Rockefeller Christmas tree. I knew the lights were still brightly shining, so we hurried there on the 3rd of January, and hoped that everything would go accordingly.

I thought I wouldn't get nervous. How far from the truth could I have been? Various thoughts ran through my head. But at some point, I took the time to calm myself down enough to ask her. I proceeded by telling her that I would show her a magic trick. I made her current ring "disappear" and I "replaced" it. With my hands shivering, I bent down on one knee and popped the question...

"Will you marry me?"

Thank God her answer was "yes".

Prior to the nerve wrecking yet joyous situation, I went up to fetch her from VA, and when I was there, I asked her parents for permission to marry her. I never thought that they would be so encouraging. I had the longest hug that I'll probably ever get from Caroline's Mother - Deborah. And her Dad, Carl, was a very straight forward man, and he had a lot of wisdom to impart. But at the same time, he was encouraging, noting all the good qualities that he has seen in me thus far.

I also talked to my parents. And my Mother was cautiously happy for me... meaning that her practical mind was not going to waver, but her huge heart was pouring out with joy. My Dad knew that Caroline loves me, and so he too was happy.

I talked to some of my friends about it as well. Most of them were very encouraging. My closer friends even let me use their apartment for our engagement party. A lot of our closer friends attended the party, and I was happy that everyone had some fun.

We are on our way to the bank this weekend, to open our joint savings account. We're saving up for our wedding which is going to be some time in the summer of 2011.

I can't help but think that the events that led up to this joyful moment in my life were mixtures of both negative emotional struggles and positive emotional upliftings. But all in all, regardless of whatever experience I've had, I maintain that everyone and everything is my "teacher".

And this remarkable event marks a new era in my life.

Therefore, to all my "teachers" from the past... thank you. I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow from what you've put me through.