Monday, July 31, 2006

Saturday, July 22, 2006

have you ever known anyone so well that you've seen all sides to him or her?

if i asked you, "do you know me enough to judge me?" - what would your answer be?

you know what's weird? i always tell people, "i'd rather you hate me for who i am, than love me for what i'm not"... but i have difficulty in applying this philosophy to some other person than myself. i always have a certain perspective of how things should be. and i've lost my awareness to the fact that my so called open mind isn't so open anymore. and not to mention, but my so called open heart isn't so open anymore either.

i find it so hard to trust people now. maybe because i'm still struggling to learn how to trust myself. i'm still learning how to let go of so many damn things that have happened in the past that still come to haunt me from time to time.

and i believe that the worst part of it all, is that i have this confidence in me to think that i'm right in most situations. its not that i dont admit to my mistakes, i actually almost always do... but i still carry on babbling about how things should be rather than take it all in the way it is. and its really hurting a lot of people.

if there was really one thing that i could change about myself... it'll just be the way i open my mind and heart to life again. and truthfully speaking, a lot of people tell me that my religion has held me back... but seriously, no one holds me back except myself. doesn't that go for most of us? hehe. Anyway, God made us all equal didn't he? He loves EVERYONE. no exceptions. we're all His creation, yeah? He sees us all as His children, right? so what gives me the right to judge?

besides, i don't think i know anyone enough to truly say what they are. what would i know anyway? it's insignificant to them. it should be. it's their life, not mine.

***
something old comes up to haunt us every now and then... but keep up with faith my friend. and no matter what, i'll be here by your side. i promise. whatever it takes, i swear i'll go through it with you.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

the 19th.

the 19th.

"baby girl" - that sounds soooooo mushy when stated in a certain way. but thats how i suck up to you. haha. oh crap. i told you the secret. please let it work on you still? lol. then again i've got other names such as... little princess, angel, my love, my dearest... want me to keep going? hehe.

so its a fact - i'm crazy about you. and its obvious because you know i think you're perfect. don't be sad now. lol. nothing's gona change my mind about it. you know how much i adore you. maybe i adore you so much so that its becoming a sin. haha. God's jealous. hehe.

this rare condition of a muscle of the heart inflamming causing a ventricle to fail, brought complications to us. but you cared. such care and concern was never showered upon me. its hard at times, and i know how much you want to break free from such agony. i wish things were different when it comes to this sickening state of being. but someday, i'll be free from it. i promise. someday, we'll be free from it. i guarantee. -smile-

sometimes we find it so hard to communicate. but we still do eventually. and i truly appreciate how much you've opened up... i know its not easy for you. but i'm here. and always will be. so take your time. i do pray that i've been patient enough. at times i blow my top off too, i'm sorry. i get carried away in the situation too...

we laugh about so many things together. some of the jokes are just not for blogging. haha. but we both know how much fun we can have. from the little things to the big things. hehe. or from the little things that grow big. lol. or even the big things that become small. lol.

Marissa and Dante would be so lucky. their mother's perfect. haha. no kids that are hyper? oops. sorry love, you could pretty much assume that your kids will be like that... -points to my face- eh, wait! -give you puppy eyes- hehe.

i'm content. life's complete with you. and that's what matters. you truly are my everything. it's no wonder why God got me to know you in this manner. our time will come. onward to forever. i love you. HAPPY 19TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!!