a bag of shit.

heard of the book "a child called it"? this is a little version of my story...

the little boy saw the woman flustered. he wondered what he could do to help out in her situation. the boy approached with caution, hoping that his willingness to help would be appreciated. with eagerness he asked, "what seems to be the problem? do you need help?" it took only half a second for the woman to reply but it was something the little person wasn't prepared for.

"it's nothing!"

the boy waited to see if the woman's expression would change. he was hoping that her eyebrows would seperate, and her cheek muscles would relax to produce a smile instead of a frown. it was weird, because there was an awkward silence between the both of them for quite a while. more awkwardly was the fact that the boy was knowledgeable about what the woman was seeking. but she remained stubbornly silent. she would not let the little person lift a finger to aid her.

so once again he tries, "is there anything i can do?"

"it's nothing!" this time around, her face became red with rage. fear ran down the boy's spine. he almost shivered but stood his ground. he wasn't going to be rattled easily. in fact, he too became raged. yet again the boy was shoved aside. his talents were undermined. the woman was so mad. she started cursing at the boy. many a times, she hit the boy's chest causing him immense pain. he started crying profusely. there was no way to stop the pain. the boy already has a weak heart. the woman kept coming at the boy. even though the boy was screaming in pain, with lots of tears rolling from his eyes, the onslaught did not stop. abruptly, she stops everything and tries to leave him alone. as she walked away, he uttered words that drove the woman into a stubborn and immature game of charades. no matter what he did, in her eyes it was wrong. and no matter what he did, in her eyes he was the culprit for all her misery.

just the day before, the boy escaped from death. as he journeyed, a long haul of stress overwhelmed him. he tried seeking comfort in her voice, but none was found. he took time to stay easy. while his eyes were closed, he was all of a sudden thrown off his seat. a car hit a motorcycle in front of his bus. the vehicle drove past the accident scene. there laid the body of a young man, with his arms above his head and the rest of his body contoreted in such a way that only pain could describe. it was still breathing. it was still alive. the boy was thankful it was still alive. and grateful that so was he.

he couldn't find her after his journey. he reached for her but she acted like as if it didn't matter that he was alive. he was raged because he didn't know why the woman acted in such a way. she was just in a state of unreasonable confusion. little did he know that both of them were in the state of unreasonable confusion. in fact, till this very hour, he does not know what went wrong with the woman that night. the same onsalught preceded as he tried to seek comfort from the woman that night. and the same outcome afterwards - loneliness, darkness and no warmth.

he realized that he was being treated like dirt. but he sucked it all up at the end of the day. must have been love.

still in unreasonable retaliation, the woman kept mad at the boy. although the boy has already dropped his defenses, and just let the blows come at him, he was still hoping that none of his dreams would be destroyed. he takes back all he said. and kept apologizing. he prayed hard that his dreams would bloom into fruition instead of withering into thin air. it was hard to see beyond the pain, but he kept trying. he wanted her to be happy.

he just kept sucking it all in. it must have been love.

love? what is love? selfless acts.

she screamed freedom. and retaliated till the boy was used to the idea of her liberty. you'd think it'd be nice to do whatever one wants. but the boy knows better. he knows about consequences. and one is usually never prepared for the consequences that come after his or her doing. the boy knows that we cant just do what we want. it just makes this world a selfish and cruel place. does love exist in such a world? the boy reminds himself that it is all about selfless acts.

the woman might have forgotten that this boy is human too. he has a heart that feels. and he never meant any harm. he never did. he didnt mean for the situations or her misery to elevate. on the contrary, he wanted to help her find peace and happiness. he wanted to help. to help - a selfless act.

he just kept sucking it all in.

it must have been love.