I felt like being a jerk towards her but then I realized that I pray the
St. Francis' Prayer everyday. One line commits, "it is in pardoning that we are pardoned." As hard as it is to grasp the kind of compassionate wisdom that my brethren is trying to share, we need to at least find the courage to seek out our own hearts first and ask ourselves questions that may lead us to better understanding of ourselves and then our neighbors.
I have to take time off. I have been swallowing my pride many times this past few months and I thought I could cope. The past couple of weeks, I went along in not being in a bad mood (because of you), but it only worked until you did this. Indeed it shows that you do not understand what my turmoil is. You misinterpreted when I said that, "don't make it any harder for me." That is not addressing your bitterness towards me during that hour, but rather, I was trying to point out that you have to be mindful of your actions in general. However, I experience yet again that, that is not the case.
I need this break. I need to be able to pick up the capability to understand that you will never understand what my turmoil is. I need to do this in order for you to be able to do what makes you happy, and not get bothered by me. I have been giving you the same explanation ever since the beginning, but you never seem to fully comprehend where I'm coming from. If that doesn't work, then learning how to accept your ways may be a better form of solution...
and conform. Sigh.
I hate it. However, if it is the will of God, so be it. Let it be done...
Sigh...
