i yearn for you to let go.
the last few days were punishing, but valuable. praying to God was always one of my fortes, especially at times of trouble. i ought to be careful not to seek Him only during bad times, but also during the good. well... it just so happen that these times are harder than most trials i've been put through.
i love you with the love of the Lord. this is why love is reason enough for me. God's love is reason enough for me. reason enough to be patient, kind and respectful. but i grow weary... why? because i'm only human. no matter what anyone says, being a human being means we naturally depend on other human beings for something - anything. and sometimes, we lack the capacity to be generous. but that's all right. being under God's guidance calls us to be forgiving. i believe that it can be very hard. to forgive others, and to forgive yourself, isn't the easiest action to take in this world.
but i am always called to...
so i found the famous 1 Corinthians 13 in the bible helpful...
I may be able to speak the languages of men and even of angels, but if I have no love, my speech is no more than a noisy gong or a clanging bell. I may have the gift of inspired preaching; I may have all knowledge and undrerstand all secrets; I may have all the faith needed to move mountains - but if I have no love, I am nothing. I may give away everything I have, and even give up my body to be burned - but if I have no love, this does me no good.
Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.
Love is eternal. There are inspired messages, but they are temporary; there are gifts of speaking in strange tounges, but they will cease; there is knowledge, but they will pass. For our gifts of knowledge and of inspired messages are only partial; but when what is perfect comes, then what is partial will disappear.
When I was a child, my speech, feelings, and thinking were all those of a child; now that I am a man, I have no more use for childish ways. What we see now is like a dim image in a mirror; then we shall see face-to-face. What I know now is only partial; then it will be complete - as complete as God's knowledge of me.
Meanwhile these three remain: faith, hope, and love; and the greatest of these is love.
***
the good news is always a refreshing truth to hear. =)
i have been fighting so many battles inside me recently... and i'm trying to find my footing once again in this world. what i hate about these trials is that when one foundation is shaken, the others seem to be affected too. i'm like... dang. can we build up on strength one after another instead of cramming it all into one? haha.
well... as long as you're happy. and so as long as the others are too. =)
so i still pray that God keeps me patient and strong. =)
because all that matters to me is that i be there for you. =)
i just love you so much.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Friday, October 14, 2005
la na...
la na...
baka mawala ko sya. hindi ako perfecto. kahit ang pagibig ko sa kanya, baka mawala. mahal nya ako. alam ko yun. at kung iiwanan ko sya, ako ang malalagot. hindi ko alam tuloy kung ano ang gagawin ko kasi... ayo ko rin syang saktan.
nagkamali ba ako? hindi ba na sya na talaga ang aking mahal? ewan ko ba. minsan, parang oo, minsan, parang hindi.
ang tanga ko kasi. ninakaw ko ang sarlili kong kalayaan. binigay ko lahat sa kanya. eto tuloy, ngayon na hindi ako makawala, parang gipit na gipit ako. walang hiya naman tung buhay ko...
pagibig... ano ka ba talaga?
dasal ako ng dasal. naririnig naman kaya ako ng aking minamahal na Panginoon? sana naman. ayoko talagang masaktan. at ayoko ko rin syang saktan. she's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
tama nga ang kanyang kapatid. hindi na pareho ang buhay namin mula nung umalis sya. sana naman, hindi sya ganun sa sarili nyang kapatid. okay lang na ako ang iwanan. kaylangan nila ang isa't isa. at ako? sana kaylangan nya rin ako.
hayy. kaylangan nanaman akong magdasal ng todo-todo. bah.
well, for what it's worth... mahal kita May. mahal na mahal kita...
baka mawala ko sya. hindi ako perfecto. kahit ang pagibig ko sa kanya, baka mawala. mahal nya ako. alam ko yun. at kung iiwanan ko sya, ako ang malalagot. hindi ko alam tuloy kung ano ang gagawin ko kasi... ayo ko rin syang saktan.
nagkamali ba ako? hindi ba na sya na talaga ang aking mahal? ewan ko ba. minsan, parang oo, minsan, parang hindi.
ang tanga ko kasi. ninakaw ko ang sarlili kong kalayaan. binigay ko lahat sa kanya. eto tuloy, ngayon na hindi ako makawala, parang gipit na gipit ako. walang hiya naman tung buhay ko...
pagibig... ano ka ba talaga?
dasal ako ng dasal. naririnig naman kaya ako ng aking minamahal na Panginoon? sana naman. ayoko talagang masaktan. at ayoko ko rin syang saktan. she's the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
tama nga ang kanyang kapatid. hindi na pareho ang buhay namin mula nung umalis sya. sana naman, hindi sya ganun sa sarili nyang kapatid. okay lang na ako ang iwanan. kaylangan nila ang isa't isa. at ako? sana kaylangan nya rin ako.
hayy. kaylangan nanaman akong magdasal ng todo-todo. bah.
well, for what it's worth... mahal kita May. mahal na mahal kita...
Sunday, October 09, 2005
the little kids
the little kids.
during Sunday school, my students were suddenly all very energetic. they kept coming at me with profound questions. kids nowadays are smart. the trick is, you have to be smarter.
1) "why do we die?" asked by Rachell (8 years old).
answer: because we have to. haha. nah. because we want to get to heaven. that was my answer. heaven is complete happiness, and everyone wants and deserves happiness. and heaven is the ultimate home. i was happy i was able to come up with that as an answer. one thing, the kids knew what true happiness is. any kid could tell you what happiness is. it's the simple things in life. kids are most fond of that. try asking a grown up what happiness is all about... they'd give you all sorts of crap. while some might say, "having no worries." the truth is, no worries means to think like a child - to be carefree. the problem is, in whatever society an adult lives in, a "responsible" woman or man is seldom given a chance to be carefree. not many adults can afford to be free of worries. why? because we're responsible. ah. the irony.
so having said that "we die because we need to go to heaven", the kids started imagining.
2) "would i be able to use magic to create whatever i want in heaven?" asked by Jennifer (9 years old).
answer: most probably. however, i gave the kids a better understanding by stating... "in heaven, you would be so happy that you won't even think about wanting anything more. so why create what you want? when you're already so happy and satisfied?" in other words, once you get to heaven, you will never want anything else because you already have the ultimate joy. no other material possession can sway that happiness off your heart. so you won't even need magic. haha. the kid's bought it. whew~
3) "is heaven worth it?" asked by Miguel (8 years old).
answer: why not? if heaven is overrated, then why is there one? haha. it's so evident that heaven exists. don't believe me? fine. go and swim in the shallow waters of the sea of Cortez. that's in Mexico by the way. er... just try not to get eaten by the giant squids. GIANT SQUIDS? yep. hehe. but if you get a close encounter with "death", and "live" after that... you'd find yourself closer to God - whom is also heaven because He's the creator. hmm... you might tell me that not all people, after having gone through a terrible accident/near-to-death-experience, actually turn into good persons. er. really? ha. let me know if there's a woman or man like that. i'd love to meet them. all people know the values of their lives when they die, and live again. the question is, do YOU need to go through a horrible experience just to know that your life is valuable? do you need to die and live again just to know heaven exists?
YES. HEAVEN IS WORTH IT. because it exists.
Jesus said that the kingdom of God is within you.
finding peace in yourself is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself. that's heaven within you. if you are able to find peace by yourself, then that's great. but i bet you'd find more than just peace if you are able to invite Jesus into your life and find that peace He wants you to find.
thanks to the children, i've been able to answer some of the questions in me. haha. at least they won't bother me for the next few years. hehe.
***
so my love went to Australia. hehe. i hope she's doing great. like i said, it doesn't matter what i'm feeling, let alone whatever worries or fears in me... i know i can trust in the Lord, and in her, that everything will work out for her - and for us.
i love you so much dear. all the best. and God bless.
all that matters to me is that i be there for you...
during Sunday school, my students were suddenly all very energetic. they kept coming at me with profound questions. kids nowadays are smart. the trick is, you have to be smarter.
1) "why do we die?" asked by Rachell (8 years old).
answer: because we have to. haha. nah. because we want to get to heaven. that was my answer. heaven is complete happiness, and everyone wants and deserves happiness. and heaven is the ultimate home. i was happy i was able to come up with that as an answer. one thing, the kids knew what true happiness is. any kid could tell you what happiness is. it's the simple things in life. kids are most fond of that. try asking a grown up what happiness is all about... they'd give you all sorts of crap. while some might say, "having no worries." the truth is, no worries means to think like a child - to be carefree. the problem is, in whatever society an adult lives in, a "responsible" woman or man is seldom given a chance to be carefree. not many adults can afford to be free of worries. why? because we're responsible. ah. the irony.
so having said that "we die because we need to go to heaven", the kids started imagining.
2) "would i be able to use magic to create whatever i want in heaven?" asked by Jennifer (9 years old).
answer: most probably. however, i gave the kids a better understanding by stating... "in heaven, you would be so happy that you won't even think about wanting anything more. so why create what you want? when you're already so happy and satisfied?" in other words, once you get to heaven, you will never want anything else because you already have the ultimate joy. no other material possession can sway that happiness off your heart. so you won't even need magic. haha. the kid's bought it. whew~
3) "is heaven worth it?" asked by Miguel (8 years old).
answer: why not? if heaven is overrated, then why is there one? haha. it's so evident that heaven exists. don't believe me? fine. go and swim in the shallow waters of the sea of Cortez. that's in Mexico by the way. er... just try not to get eaten by the giant squids. GIANT SQUIDS? yep. hehe. but if you get a close encounter with "death", and "live" after that... you'd find yourself closer to God - whom is also heaven because He's the creator. hmm... you might tell me that not all people, after having gone through a terrible accident/near-to-death-experience, actually turn into good persons. er. really? ha. let me know if there's a woman or man like that. i'd love to meet them. all people know the values of their lives when they die, and live again. the question is, do YOU need to go through a horrible experience just to know that your life is valuable? do you need to die and live again just to know heaven exists?
YES. HEAVEN IS WORTH IT. because it exists.
Jesus said that the kingdom of God is within you.
finding peace in yourself is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself. that's heaven within you. if you are able to find peace by yourself, then that's great. but i bet you'd find more than just peace if you are able to invite Jesus into your life and find that peace He wants you to find.
thanks to the children, i've been able to answer some of the questions in me. haha. at least they won't bother me for the next few years. hehe.
***
so my love went to Australia. hehe. i hope she's doing great. like i said, it doesn't matter what i'm feeling, let alone whatever worries or fears in me... i know i can trust in the Lord, and in her, that everything will work out for her - and for us.
i love you so much dear. all the best. and God bless.
all that matters to me is that i be there for you...
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
10 months!
10 months!
when someone tells me, "you're beautiful" - i take it as a compliment. but when my love tells me i'm beautiful, i take it as the truth. why? because truly, there isn't any other person in this world that understands and knows me better but her.
it's true. no one knows me like she does. and no one knows her like i do. right, love? haha.
we'll talk more about this. i think you deserve a little more explaination. then again, maybe not. haha.
but i do pray love, that when i say "you're beautiful" - and i mean it - you take it as the truth as well.
happy 10th month anniversary my beloved. you're awesome. =)
when someone tells me, "you're beautiful" - i take it as a compliment. but when my love tells me i'm beautiful, i take it as the truth. why? because truly, there isn't any other person in this world that understands and knows me better but her.
it's true. no one knows me like she does. and no one knows her like i do. right, love? haha.
we'll talk more about this. i think you deserve a little more explaination. then again, maybe not. haha.
but i do pray love, that when i say "you're beautiful" - and i mean it - you take it as the truth as well.
happy 10th month anniversary my beloved. you're awesome. =)
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