guilty.

guilty.

we pay for our own actions. that's how this world works. and that's how i know i'm paying for mine. no matter how much i cry about it, what's done is done. be wise my friends: think before you act. you'll regret a lot of things if you don't. as i am regretting now. i ought to know more things by now.

in the midst of all these guilt, i'm hopeful. i've been praying for forgiveness, and healing. not only for me, but for you and the both of us as well. though i know i'm receiving my punishment, in the back of my head i know that time will heal all things. i just have to be there when its happening. for now, i just have to be convinced that i'm getting what i deserve.

you're awesome. and i am unworthy. this is how much disgust i hold for myself. so much guilt that i become insecure, to the point where i can just think of what i did and start crying.

i feel like i'm on a ship that's about to sink. i know, i know. i shouldnt think about it this way. but whenever i see you, and sense your lack of believe in me - us - i get reminded of everything that has gone wrong. sigh. i dont wish to... but my guilt takes over. and i ask questions. which irritates you.

i guess the worst part of it all is that i'm called to give up dreams (hopes and 'wants' as well) that we both have built. this is really heavy, and definitely not easy for me. but i'm willing to do anything to fix the matter. sigh. you're more important.

i should be happy for not everything is lost. i know, i'm putting on a lot of unecessary burden on myself. sigh. but what am i to do?

i may be dumb... but i'm no fool. i'm sorry. i'm sorry for everything...