was never easy...

two versions of St. Francis' prayer...

the first...

THE PRAYER OF ST. FRANCIS

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen.

the second...

Lord, make us instruments
of your peace.
Where there is hatred
let us sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, union;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that we may not
so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood
as to understand;
To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving
that we receive;
It is in pardoning
that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are
born to eternal life.

Amen.

i pray that i may be able to stand by this... and that i may be an example to many. =)

the complete package...

so i got a little tipsy because i celebrated our 8th month anniversary. and so when i drank, i was reminded that next time around, when its our 2 years, or 3 years anniversary, i'd be with her drinking once more. haha.

but yeah... its awesome. its been too magnificent. sometimes i even feel that i'm "unworthy" of the kindness that God has given me - her. i love you May, i really do.

a little re-cap...

the first day was kinda scary. she had a reputation for disliking guys from SA. well, that's pretty ironic. haha. but yeah, i had a reputation too. but whatever it was... our reputations broke down in a snap of a finger. just like that, our lives became intertwined, and the perplexity of living our everyday lives has become more enjoyable. all of a sudden, there was reason to breathe again. all of a sudden, life became meaningful once more.

but like all human relationships, we had our rough times too. we've learned much from one another, and we continually do as we grow in love each day. i'm just so thankful that despite my demands, she has stayed with me all these while. =)

i just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, May.

thanks for all the times you've opened up to me,
thanks for all the smiles you've brought me,
thanks for the joy,
the hope,
the peace,
the company,
the kisses,
the hugs,
the patience,
the compassion,
the encouragement,
the lessons,
the lectures,
the ring,
the promise,
for being you,
for making me feel brand new,
for making me - ME,
for allowing me to be ME,
for trusting me,
the warmth,
the belief,
the faith,
for being so loyal,
for being so faithful,
for being so trustworthy,
the wisdom,
the guidance,
the support,
and above all... thank you my little princess for the LOVE that you have given me.

with you, i am growing as a person. and with you, i see things clearer. with you, i feel that there is no better place than earth. with you, i feel that heaven is earth. with you, there is constant yearning, and with you, there is infinite satisfaction.

thank you for the most wonderful 8 months of my life. and as we march into the future, i pray that our love grows more with each day. indeed, an exponential curve. =)

i love you. i love you so much. *HUGS thank you.

-neilzmuzic.

the trees...

the trees...

sometimes, its easier to live when you know everything else is falling apart. it's hard to comprehend it. and i feel like there's no answer for the questions, except from within ourselves. and there are many a times where i feel like a revelation has come forth... but in truth, it is just another experience for us to grasp and learn from.

its like when i was walking down the sidewalk, going to work, and i noticed how the trees are so... unfathomed by anything we as humans have. what do they have? patience. lots of it. they are but the best example, i feel, to any of us. trees stand there on the sidewalk, swaying to and fro as the wind caresses each leaf. and when the wind becomes destructive, most trees either just dance with the howling storm or get uprooted and blown away. either way, they do something most of us humans can't. and that's swallowing our pride. they would rather get "hurt" than babble how their lives should be (and not to mention) how other peoples' lives should be. most people see the birds chirpping on the tree branches... and they think it's a beautiful sight. i just realized how much these birds take these trees for granted. they sit still on the tree, build their nests, and litter the branches, without having to clean after themselves. how ironic, for the trees provide them shelter, a home, and warmth. qualities so many of us would give to our love ones, but sometimes fall short of these qualities to give because we expect appreciation in return. in which, in most cases, our love ones fall short of giving. so when our love ones, like the birds failing to clean up after themselves, fail to give appreciation, the trees' leaves wither when winter comes. and each and every part of the tree becomes cold. what can i say? "cause and effect". when winter comes, the birds migrate to the South. fancy that, they look for warmth in another place. that's so ironic, for so many of us have lost their love ones to other "warmer places" too. and mind you, when summer comes, the story unveils the same way. though the first tenants do not come back to occupy the tree, a set of new "love ones" come to call it home. so yet again, the story repeats itself. the birds occupy the tree, it calls it home, "takes it for granted", though the tree still gives all the qualities of love, and then winter comes and these birds leave. leaving the tree cold and barren. ever wonder why the trees' bark is so bitter in color and so rough? in biology, when i was young, i was taught that the bark was some sort of "protective layer" to fend off enemies. but despite this protective layer, the trees still get hurt by other animals; by scratching their paws unto it or running those chainsaws against them. but like all the other trees do... they just stand there patiently, until their very last breathe. and then fall to the ground. dying. in pain. despite everything it has done for the world, it's name is not remembered. relate that to us. so many of us have fought many battles... but in the end, it seemed like it wasn't worthwhile. so why bother? after all, like the trees, you too will die.

on the other hand, these trees love what they provide. besides, it's not like they have a choice. but if i was a tree... i'd feel exactly the way i described it. but then again, maybe i don't need to be a tree to feel that way. maybe, i could just be me. AND THEN AGAIN, JUST LIKE THE TREE, I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO PROVIDE UNCONDITIONALLY... and to accept that i'd rather get hurt and suppress what we all have (to a certain degree) - our ego.

i need help.

oh well.

-neilzmuzic.