have faith.

have faith.

Our Father (the prayer Jesus taught us)
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed by thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our sins
as we forgive those who sin against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Holy Mary (we ask our Holy Mother to intercede for us)
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with you!
Blessed are you among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

(take some time to talk to our Holy Mother...)

Glory to the Father (afirmation of our faith)
Glory to the Father, and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit:
as it was in the beginning,
is now, and will be forever. Amen.

Angel of God (we trust that God will send us His protection)
Angel of God
my guardian dear
to whom God's love,
entrust me here.
Ever this day
be at my side
to light and guide
to rule and guard. Amen.

POWERFUL NOVENA
O Jesus, Who hast said,
ask and you shall receive,
seek and you shall find,
knock and it shall be opened to you,
through the intercession of Mary,
Thy Most Holy Mother,
I knock,
I seek,
I ask that my prayer be granted.

(Make your request)

O Jesus, Who hast said,
all that you ask of the Father in My Name,
He will grant you through the intercession of Mary,
Thy Most Holy Mother,
I humbly and urgently ask Thy Father,
in Thy Name,
that my prayer be granted.

(Make your request)

O Jesus, Who hast said,
Heaven and earth shall pass away,
but My word shall not pass,
through the intercession of Mary,
Thy Most Holy Mother,
I feel confident that my prayer will be granted.

Prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus
O Heart of Jesus,
Fountain of every blessing,
I adore you,
I love you,
And with a sincere sorrow for my sins,
I offer you this poor heart of mine.
Make me humble, patient, pure,
And obedient to your will.
Grant that I may live in you and for you.
Protect me in the midst of danger,
Comfort me in my afflictions,
Give me health of body,
Assistance in my temporal needs,
Your blessings on all that I do,
And the grace of a holy death. Amen.

Jesus, Gentle And Humble Of Heart,
Touch Our Hearts And Make Like Your Own.

the difference.

the difference.

not everyone asks for help... but i'm naturally capable of lending a helping hand.

but how weird can weird get when the one you truly want to help doesn't ask for help, and doesn't seem to accept the help you wish to give.

so i suppose that's just too bad? yeah... sure.

i believe in karma. what you give is what you get. but i also believe in fucking up. haha. i expect too much.

my past that so called shaped me to who(what) i am is full of crap. sigh. wish i could go back and be a different person. someone more "perfect". yep. then maybe i wouldn't need to think so much. maybe i would have been more like you. and then we both would be happy. and maybe, i'd be satisfied to the fullest extent. maybe that's why we have problems communicating. because in the back of our heads we say, "some things never change". i wonder why.

i'm aware of my flaws. and i don't know what to do about them. all i know is that i'll hurt you again. oh well.

we're fully aware of the power of "choice". but sometimes, our humanity overwhelms us and our nature to be ignorant takes over.

i don't know how you do it. you don't let it affect you. using the power of choice? most likely. i guess i'm just more humane? haha. or maybe i'm just really weaker. my heart seeks for the hurt. its so weird. i say i'm used to it. but am i, really? haha. only one way to find out.

i want to help. but i don't know where to start. so i just pray. i don't know. i'm beginning to feel lost again.

i've been making it so hard for us. sigh.

i want to apologize... but i don't know if i'll be forgiven. i've said sorry too many times already.

sometimes, i feel like we don't know what we want. and we give excuses for the real feelings that are deep down inside us. that's not being truthful though. but we can't help it. we're both cowards. we don't want loneliness to fill our guts.

i'm prepared for the worst though. i just hope i don't break first.

God... keep me strong.

God... keep us strong. Amen.

a chance.

a chance.

- what was it I said that made you angry?
- anger? uneasiness? irritation? weariness? and then pain comes... and it let's you live again?
- living double standards? and it's complications?
- running through your head? what?
- what is it you want of me now then?
- why do i feel like you're running away?
- why do i feel a sense of fear from you?

i'm so lost. i don't understand anything anymore.

***

you say you are selfish. but i think i can handle that. you already know i'm a fool for you. you already know that given an opportunity, i would call you. given an opportuniy, i would die for you.

so where do i stand? am i to stay, or to go? i don't understand what you want of me now. but nevertheless, i still say what i've said more than once before, that at the end of the day, i'd still be here loving you regardless.

i love you to the extent i'd go away. all you have to do is tell me.

it's not painful anymore. the pain has subsided. now, i'm numb. i don't know what to feel except to feel lost.

GOD KNOWS I LOVE YOU.

***

i fail You. and i fail you. and i fail me.

i've been resisting the cold. i've been intuned with spiritu mundi. i feel it's presence everywhere i go. and so i think of myself as an alchemist. i am a "man of the desert". and yet i fight the cold. i can talk to the wind, the sun, the sky, and even the animals. i share with them my spirit, and they do the same with me. the voices i have been hearing all throughout my life have emerged to something more haunting. i can't explain it. but i'm not afraid. it is not evil. that i'm sure. in fact, the feeling is divine.

maktub - it is written.

i suppose it has been all the praying i have been doing. for hours i have been praying. i amazed myself for i never thought i could do such a feat on my own. oh well.

have faith.

11 months

11 months.

we've shared so much.

thank you.


it just keeps getting better and better. the amount of love i have for you is mounting up to some infinite entity. go figure. we started out as friends, clicked from then on. and after a few months, we're suddenly partners. soulmates even. we still remember our first romance, our first phone chat, even our first "kiss"! and it feels like it was only yesterday. it's just so beautiful, love. thank you. for everything.

it has been a massive learning experience for me during the past couple of months. i was trying my best to be there for you. forgive me if there were times where i fell short of my goal. and forgive me for the times where i made you feel exasperated. "it wasn't you, it was me". and to set the record straight, i'm still learning so many things about you everyday. i just pray that you don't stop giving me the space to grow slowly with you. as you know, it takes time for me to process certain things. and to those certain things, i just pray we always come up with a compromise.

it's been tough on both of us. but that's okay. because at the end of it all, you and i conquered our obstacles. and we will be conquering our future obstacles together! i may have acted on impulse during the times of hardship, but later on my heart was set in giving in to you. i always give in to you. i don't know why. i guess i'm afraid i might lose you if i become stubborn and had it my way instead. i hope i've not deprived you from your dreams.

i love you greatly. and it's just amazing how we both have been working things out for the past 11 months. you're just simply awesome, love.

Happy 11 months my beloved!

i love you so much. period.