I can't help but think that everything I've gone through with you has gone to a waste. 3 and a half years of nothingness. It didn't go anywhere. It's okay though. You're free now. That's all that matters. You're happy, and I can tell. It's quite unfair. But what can I do? I fell for you in the first place. In the end, I'm the fool. If this is who you really are, then I hope you can find one good suitor out there that can appreciate your troubles with commitment. I just wonder why you tried to commit to me in the first place when you're just going to end everything because you love your freedom more than you love me.
Restricted? I'm so far away from you... I can only imagine how you'll feel if I'm there. It's just impossible. It'll never work.
The problem is... I'm so bitter towards you now. And it'll be a long time before I get a chance to actually heal.
This is worse than cheating on me. And you'll never understand how much you're hurting me.
Like it was in the past, so it is now (again)... "I'm just a path. not the person."
*****
I'm getting back into illusions. I really like tricks. Especially those where I can just borrow a person's ring, coin, scarf, necklace etc. And I love the new dice tricks that I've learned from Robert! Gosh... such a great guy. The first time I met him years ago, he was already showing off his magic tricks to me. haha
I'm glad that I have this job at the union. I'll be going nuts if I didn't have anything to do this summer. A particular someone just stopped caring. Oh well.
But anyway... as unfair as it feels, I'm going to be on the move. I just have to keep moving. Oh well. No point in crying anymore, even though sometimes I can't help it. No one is ever going to catch my tears anyway. Besides, I'm the only one crying. Tells me all the more that she's not worth it. If she can't sympathize with me, then all the more it makes me realize that this whole escapade is for the better of you (and you alone).
How selfish.
OH WELL.
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