Saturday, June 07, 2008

The Path, Never The Man

for once, I am actually wishing that there is something nice/happy to blog about. every time I blog, it seems that my heart is aching etc. I hate it. I want to be happy. I just don't know how.

it really hurts though. you made the right decision for you. I'm the only one hurting, and you are up and about living the life... being happy. I wish I could be the same. it is just too unfair. 

my words... and actions... don't mean anything anymore. sigh.

*****
had the strangest series of dreams last night. I don't know what to make of it yet. But rest assured little girl (whoever you were), I'm always going to take care of you. thank you for holding onto my finger tightly as we walked through those places together. I hope you'll take care now...

*****
I don't know how much you are "growing" with all the fun that is surrounding you.

you're full of lame excuses. you just wanted to do whatever you wanted to.

How much growth can you make with the kind of lifestyle that you're having?

Give me a break. you liar.

you broke up with me for this? I see how it is.

*****
So many young adults nowadays are suffering. During the intense interviews, there have been interviewee after interviewee that has wept in front of us. their stories horrify me, and I'm not sure if it is pity or responsible concern that I feel towards them...

1) a young adult male who came from Bosnia escaped with his family to the USA because of civil wars over there. his mom survived 2 wars, and on the second war... she got shot on the leg. fortunately, she survived.

2) a young adult male was walking with what he thought was a friend he could trust. out of nowhere, gunshots were being fired towards them. little did he know that his so-called-friend was the one being gunned down. it was just unfortunate that he was at the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong company.

3) a young adult female was on her way home to school, and she was assaulted, and raped. she claims that the suspect did not understand English and this made her situation even worse. traumatized, she still finds it difficult to trust people.

4) a young adult male's brother meant everything to him. but his brother died last year. his brother was shot. suffering from mild depression, he wishes to be part of the Youth Brigade to get out of his turmoil.

5) a young adult male who has autism is trying to make a path for himself as he hoped to be part of the Youth Brigade. he wanted the opportunity to be great, like his father.

I hope the brigade could accommodate to everyone. the sad truth is, out of the 150 applicants, we can only choose 25. Good luck everyone.

*****
how much growth can you make if you do not hear stories as such? how much growth can you make if you do not take time to reflect? how much growth can you make if you do not pray? how much growth can you make if you do not seek for maturity at the right places?

how much growth can you make if you keep rejecting me?

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