Big Baby

I figured out that I was just being a big baby. I didn't need to cry every night, I didn't even need to feel like I was being betrayed. Happiness is mostly a choice, and she chose her path of happiness, and so I am convinced that I should be happy for her.

It's just weird. Till the last day, I was praying for you. I even prayed for all of these events to happen, just so you can be happy. I remember kneeling down at church, and uttering the words, "God, if there's someone out there that can help her forget me, then please let that man walk by her life. She needs him, whoever he will be, more than she needs me. It'll be great, as long as she's happy. And I'll be fine because I know you'll carry me through."

Life has many twists and turns... but when the twists and turns came whirling at me, I totally forgot about that prayer I so humbly petitioned to God. I wanted you to be so happy, and when you finally took the chance to be happy, I found myself crying and hurting because of the feelings of rejection, abandonment, and betrayal. But was it really all that bad? No. God answered my prayers... so I feel confident because yet again, God has pulled through for me.

After all, what greater love is there, but to sacrifice yourself for another friend. This is Christ's teaching. So yes, the bigger picture became clearer when I finally opened up to the blessings of the Holy Spirit. There was nothing to be afraid of, and nothing to regret. It was all in His plan.

I'm happy for you. And I'm happy for him.

*****

Caroline's been sick. And I'm not too sure if she'll be staying this semester. We humans depend so much on money nowadays. And Eastman can get too expensive. But I'm quite sure God will work something out for her and her family. I'll be upset if she leaves. She's been such a good friend.

And I still can't believe that there are more than 400 songs written with "Caroline" as the/a topic. But why?! Lol! The name's not any more special than "Neil". Maybe I'm just jealous. Perhaps, I want more than 400 songs written about my name too. Haha.

She's cute though... she got cold the other day, and made me give up my sweater. Haha. She looks like a dork.

On another day, she was telling me about harp-stuff (which sounded greek to me). I kinda switched off for a little while and realized that she's still cute even when she's sick. Haha.

Oh well... but I've been thinking. Thinking a lot.

We have fun. =)