Day 4

Moving fast you are, my friend. You have to take it easy. The woman may be seductive, but learn how to play it safe. I'm happy for you. It is encouraging to see that you are working out your relationship and that your past is now a resource, and not a burden. Well done my friend!

Conducting is my art. I love it. I hope that I get into intermediate conducting with Prof. Lubman. He is probably one of the best conductors Eastman has. Saw him in action today, and I must say that he is very expressive. I want to learn from him as much as I want to learn from Dr. Scatterday, and Dr. Weinert. They're all so versatile in different ways.

I've had the biggest scare today though. I was practicing conducting when I suddenly realized that my left hand was shivering a little. It was scary. It's still shivering a little. Not a lot, but I can feel it. Perhaps I'll go to the doctor and get it checked out.

*****

I get so angry sometimes. I keep giving excuses, pushing blame back and forth between the both of us in my head. It seems never ending.

I wonder every now and then why you are still loving me. I'm not the best. I feel like you deserve better, and that you deserve so much more. Look at me... I'm a disgust.

But then again, I would also think that there is no one in this world that can love you like I do. So then... why do I feel so unworthy?

I hope you're taking this break seriously... and wisely...