Engaged (Part 1)

A few weeks ago, Caroline and I were shopping for our folks because Christmas was around the corner. To my delightful grazing of the mall sections, holding her hand tightly, we walked past a jewelery store, and my big mouth naturally itched out a random phrase or such. It just so happened that in the moment, I asked a subliminally curious question... "Caroline, how would you like it if I got you a ring for Christmas?"

A smile shot out of her passive face, and as her eyes glistened, she uttered, "what kind of ring?"

In a murmuring voice, I replied, "Um... a shiny one?"

What a trip to the mall that had been. Ever since the summer, we both have rediscovered ourselves, and in turn, rediscovered how beautiful our relationship can be. We have, since, talked about our future of being together. And it is pretty clear that we're both expecting to grow old with each other.

For a couple of days, she had to be away for the Eastman Wind Ensemble tour. I thought to myself that it would be the perfect occasion for me to head out and get her a Christmas present. I planned to visit the jewelry store and buy her a ring.

With my emotional uneasiness, I proceeded to enter the store. The uneasiness within me stems from the fact that I've never done this before. But regardless of the anxiety in me, I summed up enough courage to ask for help from one of the store's saleslady. Throughout my stay at the jewelry store, I was enlightened in different ways. It took a good hour or so before I finally decided my course of action. I knew that a ring would suffice for Christmas, but I also knew that I should set my eyes on an engagement ring.

The night she came back, I was as nonchalant as I could be. There were no traces of the evidence, as I kept it well hidden from sight. The following morning was when all my plans were executed. Knowing her, she would probably check her mailbox as soon as she leaves my room in the morning. Since I knew she was going to do that, I would put the ring into her mailbox only after she checked it for the first time... so I could go on ahead and tell her to check it for a second time - and there her surprise awaits.

So I did exactly that. It went accordingly.

She thought it was the real deal. She thought I was proposing. She took the ring out of the tiny box and handed it to me, and she wanted me to put it onto her finger. But as she presented her left hand, I stopped her and shook my head. Instead of putting it on her left hand, I put the ring on her right. Her face read, "ouch."

I could tell that she was not happy, and tears were starting to swell up in her eyes. So I stepped closer to her and cut the chase. I told her the truth.

"Caroline, you know that I want to be with you. I love you very much. This is not the real deal, but let me assure you that it is coming. I'm going to get the ring and everything, and when the moment happens, it'll be very beautiful. I already have it all planned out."

Her face lightened up, and she poured out with tears of joy. In that span of 3 minutes, her emotions brought her around a roller-coaster that was unfamiliar in all ways. I could tell she was expecting me to kneel, propose and carry on from there... this made me realize a lot about what the woman really thought and felt about our relationship.

This experience motivated me. In many ways, it is a prayer answered. A dream realized. A wish come true.

This morning, I woke up feeling complete.

How Do You Want People To Remember Your Name?

So its the day after Thanksgiving day, and yes... there are so many things in my life that I'm thankful for. I can honestly say that I am very blessed. While I'm sitting down in front of my laptop, eating a chocolate bar, at around 9:30 in the morning, I started thinking of how wonderful it would be if I could come up with my own Music Learning Theory. Of course, it is a long shot. I'd have to wait until pigs can fly, even though that was the case already with swine flu. And the challenging part is not figuring out how the standard model for the Learning Theory works... but how to add on it, and make it better.

I hear all these people say things like, "Oh, he's using the Gordon technique", or "he's using the Orff technique" and sometimes, "he's using the Kodaly technique". How wonderful would it be if one day, people also started saying, "he's using the Reyes technique".

Sounds cheesy. Lol.

*****

Upgrades for my car is running my head to the walls. I just want to get an intake, and I want to get it fast. I'm addicted to making my car perform better... but I haven't done anything to it yet! Once I snap on my first upgrade, I know for a fact I'll never stop snapping on other parts. I was thinking of just jacking my current car up to its full potential instead of buying myself a new car.

I mean, really digging in and getting the works done with my Chevy Cobalt Coupe, '05, 2.2L...

1) Intake System
2) Exhaust System
3) Supercharger
4) Stage 3 PCM (with internals)
5) 16'' Wheels, chrome finish (of course)

That's only the beginning... and that would already cost me a few thousand dollars. But it is still cheaper than getting a new car! And with all the right upgrades, If my calculations are right, I'm jacking up my car to an increase of about 100-130 horsepower. That's worth it.

Now... where can I find the money? hehe.

*****

College apps! Finishing two of them today. Graduate school... better watch out. I'm coming for you.

Apparently, there's a new school opening around the area. Not until 2 years though... but it may work out because I'll be fresh out of Graduate school. That would be awesome if I can get myself hooked up with a job straight away! That would provide for my car upgrades! hehe.

Anyway... the future is exciting. And I'm enjoying the present for now. :)

Stupid H1N1

Being an RA in the dorms is a very worthwhile gig. I just can't stand this spread of the flu. As of now, I've had 2 residents pick up this ridiculous flu. I'm glad that the both of them are fine now. And thank God that no one has gotten a severe case yet throughout the whole dorms.

Got my first paycheck from Storybook... it's small. For now. I'll put in more hours next year. Right now, I have to focus on making a good impression in SOTA (School Of The Arts, in Rochester, NY). I hope that in the end, the time that I've put into student-teaching will pay off.

Been feeling a little sick myself... but I'm in good spirits! I just want to feel fine once and for all. And no more stomach aches please... I hate having to wake up in the middle of the night!

*****

To be or not to be? That is the question.

I have yet to meet with Dr. Grunow. I hope he tells me something good. I know that in the end, everything works out... but I just want to know for sure what I should go after since I'm graduating next semester.

Recently, Caroline has been telling me how much she thinks we are a perfect fit. Maybe she knows what's troubling me. And maybe, perhaps we really could go all the way. Are we happy where we are at, right now? For the most part. But yes, I'm not sure if i should pop the question or not... I don't know what my future holds.

Yet.

Surviving

Doing a lot of things recently... I feel like I don't have enough time to breath. I'm doing the best that I can, but I can't do everything. Taking it day by day...

A lot of my friends are getting engaged. This is ridiculous! I'm getting old!

Then it dawned upon me... if two people love each other, and really want to be with one another, and they're both old enough... why not get married? If everything seems to be in place, why not do it?

I'm graduating soon, and I'm trying to find a teaching gig. And yes, I'm still thinking about grad school, but I most definitely would take a job over school unless school is free, or almost free. But work seems to be more appropriate. And I've been working with kids so much this semester... I really feel the calling to be around them!

And I really feel the call to be around my own as well. Waiting for that day, I guess. I'm thinking more and more about matrimony. I'm not totally sure, but every time I think about it, the more I get this feeling of closure. I start to feel older now that my friends are taking this path of becoming one with their partners... and I'm starting to think that I too am ready.

Some people that come across our lives were used as God's instruments to teach us lessons that will help us get closer to heaven. THAT'S THE POINT. And at some point in our lives, WE have been used as His instruments. See... we're all made to be with Him. There are no excuses. No matter how painful our relationships are, no matter how happy we are, or how sad, or how hurt we are, the only reason why we have to go through what we have to is because we are made to be with Him. If we choose otherwise, then that's our doing, not His. We were given the power to choose because we can take accountability! And He knew that. Which is why we learn from our relationships, be it romantic or not.

So even if we feel like we were "used", think of how you were God's instrument rather than piling up the negativity that was brought unto you. In the end of the day, I'd rather go to bed and tell myself that I helped someone get closer to Him... regardless of how much pain I went through.

But that's just me.

The Sun Rises Without You

There are so many things in our life that we cannot control... ultimately, we have the most control over ourselves. And in this point in my life, I'm starting to realize more about the way I think, feel and process things in my head.

I suppose its a new beginning. I'm treading carefully.

Got myself a car! It's pretty sweet. I'm trying to get it pimped out... first on the list are performance parts. Then focus on getting rims, and then after that... A NEW CAR? hehe. A Chevy Camaro wouldn't be too bad. hehe

I got a Chevy Cobalt, '05 Coupe. 2.2L, I-4, 16 Valve engine, produces about 145 hp @ 5,600 rpm. 32 miles a gallon on the highway, about 26 in the city. 0-60 mph in 9 secs - which really isn't that bad for my first car. It has a spoiler too, which makes it look kinda cool.

I'm thinking about replacing the intake first, and then the exhaust. I'm not sure what else I can put in there to help it perform better. Besides, I need to save up anyway. After installing these parts... I'm off to save up for rims. I'm thinking maybe a 17-18' hypersilver? We'll see. They're really expensive.

*****

I really student-teaching. I hope I'm doing a good job at it, and hopefully the kids like me.

At least my focus is pouring down on the kids, teaching, and my car.

Car

Getting a car is stupid stressful. I hope to get one that would fit my persona though.

And yes, I put a down payment on a Chevy Cobalt '05. That fits.

I hope it all works out.

Tough

Two break ups in a row. I'm starting to think that summers are very dangerous things. Both break ups happened during the summer! And both of them are something I didn't want...

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. And the not so tough walk out on you. The worse part is, you start hurting more when you pay for something that you didn't ask for. Especially when you've grown so much.

I'm so angry. I hate this crap. This time around, I didn't even do anything wrong at all. People just tend to give up on me. In the end, some people are really just very selfish. Here I was, investing so much in yet another relationship, and get nothing in the end.

Sigh.

How come Karma's kicking my ass instead?

My True Goals In Life

I want to have a stable job so I can provide for my future family.

I want to be a good father and husband.

I want to die without any debts on my name.

That's it really.

*****

My time will come...

Some Summer Fun

So I visited Caroline during my birthday, and... IT WAS AMAZING! She took me to an airshow, baked a cake for me, made breakfast and dinner, and took me out to a movie! SHE MADE ME SO HAPPY! Even though I was only there for 1 night, she made everything worth it.


At Ontario beach, during the airshow.


With our geeky 3D glasses after watching Disney's "UP"!

*****
And then she came up to see me and stayed at my place for 4 nights. On her second day, I took her to South Street Seaport, and then crossed the Brooklyn bridge, and then grabbed a bite to eat at Grimaldi's (the original coal brick oven pizzeria in new york city) - BEST PIZZA I'VE HAD SO FAR! And then I took her to the ice cream factory by the bay, and watched the Manhattan skyline. On her third day, I took her to Coney Island, we walked the boardwalk, tried Nathan's Original Hot Dogs, went to the New York Aquarium and rode the Cyclone (one of New York's oldest rollercoasters).


On the Brooklyn bridge, looking like an 8 year old boy who just got his XBOX 360!


The Manhattan skyline right behind us


After our ride on the Cyclone.

*****
The struggles are worth it. The battle is worth fighting. I'm on the path to victory.

After all, she is worth it.

Another Year

Another school year's out. I can't believe that I have one more year to go. I'm a senior! There are several options... to go back to school and knock out my Masters after graduation (and be buried in debt, because of loans), or find a job - teach! - And pay my current loans (perhaps, go back to school later for my Masters). Either way, I'm sure it'll be fine.

And yet, at the back of my head, it has been brewing. Shall I pop the question after graduating? There are still a lot of questions in me... but a part of me says that I'd know the time's right when I know the time's right - whenever that time is. A lot of prayer needs to go into it. I'm hopeful, but I know that's not usually enough. Regardless, I'm enjoying my relationship with her, and I'm sure she is too. We both have grown. And I know I've grown tremendously. I'm very thankful for the blessings that have come my way.

Went around downtown, looking for apartments. Sharing an apartment does not sound too bad. It'll be cheaper if we both went to Eastman again for graduate school. I'd love it if that were the case. But it all depends on what she decides to do, and where she wants to go. I'm excited for her, but at the same time... apprehensive. No one knows what the future holds.

But we've been talking a lot about the future. It seems that we both are moving in a similar direction. It is actually kind of freaky how similar we are. A lot of my stories are hers too. Did that make sense? We went through very similar pasts. I won't go into details, but yeah... I'm happy. =)

And here's a couple of photos with us acting goofy... again. lol!



You have to admit... we're pretty adorable. hehe.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

This past month and a half has been insane. Everything else was going great, except for my health. Went to different doctors, went for several tests, and they found NOTHING. Frustrating as it is, I'm actually feeling better. However, I still have to go to the clinic once a week to get my blood drawn. "Fun!" All I ever wanted was to know what was going on with me. They couldn't tell me, and that affected my mood a lot. Although I try to have this uplifted spirit in me, it was still hard trying to put this illness into the back of my mind.

But I'm feeling better. My appetite is back, soon enough I'll be back in the gym (hopefully), and when I get my blood drawn, I hope that I get some good results - meaning, that my red blood count goes up. It did the last time I got it drawn. FINALLY. After running on half a tank for the past month, I can use some fresh fuel.

And then because I feel better, I got reminded of the more beautiful things in life again. Wheeeeeee! No, seriously... REALLY BEAUTIFUL. Here, I'll show you what I mean...

I told you. But guess what? We don't look like that anymore... we chopped off almost all our hair. Well, I did, she got like 4 inches off.

Pretty cute couple we have here... LOL!

But anyway, I continue to get over whatever I have. And hopefully it all goes away before our joint recital. I hope it completely goes away before my juries. Ay~

Babble

If there was a drug that I can take to help me stop thinking too much, I'd take it. My friend told me that the drug is already available, and it is called "dope". Funny.

Someone suggested that I should go for counseling, and I thought it may be a good idea. Some people out there may think I'm crazy, but actually, lots of non-crazy people go for counseling all the time. Couples go for counseling, people who are having a tough time go for counseling, etc. Funny thing is, once I get in the room with a counselor, and he or she asks me, "So, what can I do for you?" I would probably say, "I want to stop thinking." But what the heck. It wouldn't be the first time if I went for counseling. And it helped last time, I don't see why it won't help me this time.

I tend to over-analyze. I just want to be able to control it. It is both a blessing and a curse.

My doctor still hasn't figured out what's wrong with me. But at least we already ruled out some other things that could have been terrible. I need to write out all the symptoms that I'm having, perhaps that would help her connect the dots.

So, yeah.

Touching The Heavens

I was in Virginia, Fairfax, for Christmas. I spent my Christmas away from home for the first time. I spent it with Caroline and her folks. It was a pleasant experience, and I'm looking forward to knowing her family more.

I received the most wonderful, perhaps the greatest, Christmas gift ever. Caroline knew about my fascination with airplanes. She knew that I've always wanted to fly one. So to let my dream come true, she got me a gift certificate to have an introductory flight lesson at the Heritage Flight Academy.

How was it?

AMAZING. I've always loved the sunrise and the sunset. I believe God's creativity is contained in those majestical sceneries. Being in the air, 2000 feet above ground, gave me an even more awe-inspiring view of the sunset. The pilot-in-command/instructor, Matt, was kind enough to let me stay in the air long enough to watch the sun sink into the horizon. I was lost for words. The sun never looked so beautiful. I was just having goosebumps all over my body. Matt gave me a lot of stick time, and he was guiding me the whole way. After we landed, he was encouraging me to start flying lessons with him. I'm thinking about how I can successfully do it. Because I want to get my pilot's license. And someday, own my own plane. Besides, I promised Caroline, I'd take her up with me.

January 1, 2009 - The day I flew. The day I touched the heavens. The first day of the new year was spent with a glorious activity. And how better to kick-off the New Year, by being sky high.

Since Caroline stayed in Fairfax for the New Year, I brought my sister up with me instead. So kudos to her for withstanding the flight without throwing up. Also grateful for all the pictures she took.

But above all... I love you so much, Caroline. Thank you for such a mindful, thoughtful, and wonderful gift.

*****

And to leave you guys with a pretty picture taken before all the snow has fallen down in my new home, Rochester, I found this picture of Caroline and I at Letchworth State Park during this past fall.